My Heart Remembers
By Cheryl Stevenson
Even though there are times when I don't remember your name, that doesn't mean that I don't feel in my heart that we are connected.
Love is not a memory, but a feeling deep in your heart.
When I was in a long term relationship for about 4 ½ years, there were times that were heartbreaking for both of us because I didn't remember who he was.
But during those times, I always knew that he loved me.
This made me feel loved but at the same time confused!
Living with a memory impairment is not easy, but not a choice that I have, but rather a path that I find myself on.
My heart still knows who loves me & who I love & that brings me such peace & joy!
There are times when I don't recognize someone, but there is still a little voice in my head telling me that I should know them.
I think that is my heart trying to tell me that we are indeed connected on some level.
Now I depend on my heart to guide me on this path of memory impairment.
That is because my heart knows what my brain no longer remembers.
When I pull away from your hug, please know that it doesn't mean that I don't care about you, but at that moment, I either don't remember you or don't remember that we hug.
But usually some time later, I will remember that this hug didn't happen & I will feel bad about it because I don't really understand why it happened.
This will make me sad!
I will blame myself even though there is nothing that I could do to prevent what happened.
All I can do is try to live my life to the fullest!
Soon after my 1st diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s disease, I talked to God.
I prayed that if I had dementia that it would progress slowly.
In return, I promised God that I would share my story to help others.
That is what I'm driven to do & that is why I share my story.
I am a much stronger person than I once was and I know that strength will carry me through this.
My heart remembers what my brain no longer can.
I choose to live my life with joy in my heart rather than anger because of how my life has now changed since my diagnosis in 2005!
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In August 2017, while I was listening to Lori La Bey's Alzheimer's Speaks radio show, I was suddenly inspired with the words to write this poem from start to finish in about 30 minutes.