What is it Like to Live With a Memory Impairment? By Cheryl Stevenson Sept. 2012
It is very frustrating when I have trouble remembering things.
It can make me feel very stupid, although I know that it is not my fault.
Sometimes I’m very aware when my cognition is declined, but sometimes I’m not.
This can affect my personal relationships that I have because there are times when I have trouble communicating.
When I’m aware of my cognition declining, I may become quiet because of this, wanting to hide my symptoms.
At times, I won’t contact my children because I do not want them to worry about me.
I’m afraid that they won’t understand what I’m going through, but will know that I’m having difficulty.
Sometimes the simplest things for other people, are not so simple for me.
Sometimes I have found ways to make things easier for me.
When I park in a parking lot at the mall or at stores that I go to a lot, I usually park in the same area, so I can find my vehicle more easily.
What can be challenging for me is when I go to a venue, such as a major league ballpark.
I will need someone to walk with me whenever I leave my seat to go to the bathroom or concessions because it would be very difficult or impossible for me to find my way back to my seat alone.
I still continue to do the things that I enjoy in my life.
Because of my memory impairment, I have had to give up one of the things that I really enjoy & that is reading books.
I can still read, but following a storyline from paragraph to paragraph or page to page is very difficult for me, because I will forget what I have just read.
Over the past two years, I have also noticed a big decline with my comprehension, so that will also add to the problems that I have with reading.
Sometimes when I read words, they have little or no meaning for me.
Yet I know how to read them & I know that I should know what they mean.
This can make me very sad & frustrated!
There are times when someone who I’m very close to, will talk about a time when we were together enjoying things, & I have little to no memory of it.
This can make me very sad & angry!
Sometimes I will cry because of this sadness & frustration.
I often refer to this as a “mini meltdown”!
I’m still trying to figure out a better way to deal with this because I know that this will keep happening to me.
I don’t know how to not get upset about not being able to remember special times with the people who I love & who love me.
It is just another loss that is so difficult for me to deal with.
These “meltdowns” only seem to add stress, so I like to try to avoid them!
My goal is to educate others about what it is like to live with a memory impairment.
Over the past year, I have been doing this by writing poems.
I hope that by educating people, the stigma related to a diagnosis will eventually disappear.
©Cheryl Stevenson