Not taking my memory medication because I don't have insurance

I'm struggling with how to begin this post. That is because I forget what it is that I want to say. Then even if I know what it is, I can't seem to find the words. I am not taking any prescription medication for my memory impairment. That is not my choice, but rather one that I find has been made for me!

I have no health insurance and I can't figure out if I can afford it. Although the memory medication that I take is a generic, the cheapest price in my area is around $299.00 per month! I have applied to the drug company through their patient assistance program and I was turned down because I make TOO much money! Well, I really wasn't aware that I actually have enough money sitting in my checking account at the end of the month to pay for this medication! NOT!

I know that because of this, I am declining. My hope is to be able to somehow get some medication very soon, so that my symptoms can become more stable. How this is going to happen is beyond me!

The other night before going to bed, I had this thought about how old I was. I thought that was strange because I thought that I knew how old I am. I confidently said fifty-three to myself! Then I took out a calculator and did the math and it say that I was fifty-four. Two days later, I again figured it out and thought that I am now fifty-three and I will be fifty-four in December. Again, I was really confused. Yesterday morning before I went to work, I did the math again. I was born in Dec. 1957, so I just turned fifty-four about one month ago. Most of the morning at work, I had this thought in my head,” I’m fifty-four, I'm fifty-four! Luckily, I didn't say it out loud. This may seem like a little thing to most people, but this was a little upsetting to me. I know when I was born and I knew that I had a birthday last month. I just had forgotten hold old I am.

I guess this is one of the things that most people just take for granted. Most people know how old they are and they don't have to figure it out five times before they get it right! I've also been much more emotional lately. I'm crying a lot at home. I've noticed at my second job the other night, that I seemed a little slower.

My feelings right now are very overwhelming. I usually have a positive attitude and somehow seem to get through my days. Now my feelings seem to be filled with fear, anger, confusion and frustration!

I hope that things will change for the better very soon. I pray that I can somehow go back to “my normal” that I had for so long, instead of a new “normal” that will continue to lead to my decline.

I'm still trying to figure things out. I know that things need to somehow change for me. I can't continue to work this much, yet I still can't afford the medicine that I so desperately need! What I have decided is that I really can’t figure all this out on my own. It is just too overwhelming for me to do. I will need to ask someone for help.