Realizing that my children might be in denial

Last week, I was talking on the phone with my thirty-year-old daughter. She asked me about a meeting and I didn’t really know what she was talking about. She kept asking me how my meeting went at work and she said if I didn’t remember then it probably wasn’t important. I really HATE when somebody tells me this! I can't choose what I remember! I told her that I forget a lot of things that are important. Then I kept thinking about what she was saying and it seemed like she was getting mad at me, so I asked her if she was mad and she said no, but she said that she was confused. I must have been a little frustrated because I almost wanted to hang up the phone on her. That is definitely something that I have never done to any of my kids. I think that I was frustrated with her lack of understanding. She definitely doesn’t “get it.” After a few minutes, I was able to figure out what meeting she was talking about. Then I could respond to her.

I think that it was this past summer when I realized that my three children, ages twenty-two, twenty-six and thirty might be in denial! I was diagnosed seven years ago. When I talked to my boyfriend about this, he said that because my children loved me, they didn’t want to think about anything taking their mom from them. I also think that because a lot of the time, I am doing so well, that may add to their denial. I live alone, work two jobs, about forty-eight and a half hours a week. I don’t need anyone to care for me.

I also told him that I don’t usually share with my kids when my cognition is declined or the challenges that I have with my cognition. I struggle to find a balance between educating them about mild cognitive impairment and not overwhelming them with too much so they won’t worry about me. I just don’t want them to be unprepared if the day comes when they will need to make decisions related to my care.

From the beginning, I have refused to be in denial. It just serves no purpose! I know that there is something wrong with my brain! I just want to live my life the best way that I know how and to continue to find happiness in my life. At the time of my diagnosis, my three children were very aware that there was something wrong with me. I kept repeating things, getting lost and constantly forgetting things. In 2005, at the time of my diagnosis, my children were fifteen, nineteen and twenty-three.