My challenges with being in a relationship while living with a memory impairment

Yesterday, my boyfriend said to me, “Is there something wrong or have you forgotten who I am?” I told him that I knew who he was and that I didn’t think I had forgotten him. He said that lately I hadn’t been acting like it. I saw tears in his eyes, which told me that he was upset and worried about me! There were also tears streaming down my face! I think that over the past three days, there were times when I have felt disconnected from him. I think that things had been going well at work, but something was wrong with us. I just couldn’t put it into words. I didn’t know how to “fix it” and I was afraid! I'm wondering if the fog has rolled in!

I told him that earlier I felt like I was alone on an island and that I couldn’t find my way back to him. I was so afraid!! I told him that I still loved him. He said that I hadn’t seemed like "me!”

He said that sometimes I get so emotional and sensitive over something he has said to me. He said that I often misunderstand things that he says. He told me that he would never say anything to hurt me or make me feel like he was making fun of me. I told him that I was sorry that this is happening, but unfortunately, I can’t change this! He told me that he knew that it wasn’t my fault. He asked me to ask questions if I don’t understand things. I told him that I always try to do that. When I misunderstand things, he tries to explain things to me. I told him that I wished that things were different for us. I wished that things weren’t so complicated! He said that lots of people have complicated relationships and they are still able to make it work.

I don’t think that there is a book to help us get through this. A book that would help us navigate this relationship, while I’m living with a memory impairment.

There are times, when I wonder if it would be better if I was “alone” and not having a partner in my life. Sometimes I don’t know if I can continue to do this! How do I continue in this relationship when there are so many things working against us? This is so difficult and I don’t know if I have the energy to continue. It breaks my heart and makes me very sad to imagine my life without having him in it, but sometimes I wonder if he would be better off without all the “Cheryl drama” in his life! Sometimes I consider breaking things off, so that I won't continue to hurt him or feel hurt myself! This is so incredibly hard and I struggle with wondering what I should do.

I think that what is "between" us is my memory impairment! I am angry that this continues to take things from us. He asked me if I knew who he was, and I remember answering yes, but now I'm not so sure about my response.

I think that an explanation for the way I'm feeling is that the fog has probably rolled in. I would like to describe this fog that I was recently in. It is as though I'm not in the same world as people around me, like I'm on the outside looking in. It is very difficult for me to interact with people. I asked him if this was the first time that he thought that I didn't recognize him and he said yes. This makes me so very sad!