I didn't want to be at my boyfriend's home

Last week I drove to my boyfriend's place. I don’t think that we had seen each other in about three or four days. Soon after I got there, I had thoughts rolling around in my head that said, “I don’t want to be here! I just want to go home!” This was confusing to me since we love each other and we have always enjoyed spending time together. I tried so very hard to hide what I was feeling, hoping that it would go away! Why was I feeling this way? I remembered that I had just been there a few weeks ago. I had no problem driving there and I recognized the outside and inside of his home. Luckily, after a while, this feeling passed.

I journaled how I was feeling on a piece of scrap paper. The other day, he said that he needed to talk to me about something and I said sure. He held up my paper and I thought that I would drop! I hadn’t expected him to find this note because I wasn’t sure that he would understand it because I didn’t. I kept it from him because I didn’t want to hurt him. He asked me about the note and he wanted to know if that is how I was really feeling at the time and I said yes. He tried to understand it and said that maybe I felt that way because I hadn’t been there too much lately and I told him that I agreed.

Perhaps my brain had some fog in it and that would explain why this was very odd to both of us and that it really didn’t make sense. Although we both tried to make sense of it all.

I don’t think that these feelings lasted too long. I think that they were there just on this day because I think that the next day, I was fine. I might just be more comfortable at my place because I know where everything is and that is more comforting for me.