Dating while living with a memory impairment

(Chapter 13 Interaction with Spouse or Significant Other in my book)

About one month ago, I shared something with all of you. I described the fog and how I didn't know where I was or who my boyfriend was. After this episode was over and I was able to talk about it, we talked about both of our concerns. This fog scared both of us a lot! Since we first started dating three years ago, he has known that I live with a memory impairment.

Last month, when we talked about this fog, I told him that I thought that this was the first time that I didn't know who he was. He said that he agreed, but that it had actually happened or affected “both of us”. I guess at the time, I hadn't really thought about how it affected him, but now I'm trying to be more aware of this. I asked him how often he sees the “fog” in me and he said that he thought no more than once a month. So now we will wait and see when the fog arrives. I will do my best to document it for us and my neurologist who I see in five months.

I think that until I started dating, I didn't really know how challenging it was going to be. I think that communication is so very important in any relationship, but when one person has a memory impairment, it adds a whole new dimension to it. In the more than three years since we started dating, I know that he holds many more memories of “us” than I do. At first, that would make me cry, but now I have had to accept that as part of our life together.

There are times when someone says something to me and I have no clue what they are talking about. My lack of comprehension sometimes can be extremely frustrating for my boyfriend and I. Sometimes I can totally misunderstand what he is saying. There are also times when things are challenging because I'm unable to explain things to him. If it is something that isn't really important, we just let it go.