I was not able to plan my daughter's baby shower

(Chapter 12 Navigating Relationships & Chapter 23 Being a Nana in my book)

In about three and a half months, my daughter is going to have my first grandchildren, twin girls. I'm very excited about this! Last night, I talked to my daughter on the phone and she asked me if I had gotten the e-mail that she sent me a couple of weeks ago and I said yes, but I haven't done anything with it. She said, “why not?” and I said because I have no idea what to do with the information that was on the e-mail. She sent me names, e-mail addresses and phone numbers for two of her best friends and her mother-in-law and with some possible dates for the shower.

She said that she gave me her friend's e-mail addresses and phone numbers so that I could have them help me with the baby shower. It was as if I had never heard this before because I had no memory of our previous conversation that included her asking me to plan this shower. I think that for a moment I was silent and my daughter asked me if I was okay. I told her that I didn't remember having this conversation with her because I would have told her that this was not possible. As we were talking, she didn't seem to understand why I couldn't do this. I told her that I want to be able to plan her baby shower and everything involved with doing so but that just isn’t possible. Then I explained to her the many tasks that were involved with this event and the stress that it would add to my life. Also, the anxiety that it would cause because I would be so afraid of forgetting or doing something wrong and embarrassing my daughter. She said that she had no idea that I wouldn't be able to do this. I told her that I was very sorry but that I usually know what I can take on and what I can't. She told me no problem and that she would ask her matron of honor to plan the shower. This was a very hard conversation to have with my thirty-five-year-old daughter. I know that this decision was the best one for me.

I told her that we must have had some misunderstanding when we last talked on the phone because I offered to “help” with the shower. I told her that I could not take on everything involved with the baby shower for her, because it would just not go well. She sent me the e-mail on August thirteenth, the same night that we had last talked. She reminded me that we had recently talked on the phone and I told her that I remember talking to her on the phone, but that the details are gone. I'm actually a little shocked that she thought that this was something that I could do. She told me that she would be contacting her friends and her mother-in-law to see if they could plan the shower.

I know my limitations and the task of planning this baby shower, finding and booking a venue, sending out invitations, decorating the venue, make party favors, plan the menu would just be an overwhelming task for me to do and do well. I'm also on social security disability so I have a limited income and she knows that. So, the financial aspect is a problem as well. I know that I would probably fail and be very stressed out about it. I know that she didn't seem happy about what I told her but I have to do what is best for me. I feel horrible that I can't do this for my only daughter, but I know in my heart that this just wouldn't have gone well. I have never second guessed my decision because I know that it is the right one for me and also my daughter.

This is just one more example of what living with a memory impairment – (MCI) Mild Cognitive Impairment has taken from me and my family. My three grown children daughter age thirty-five and sons thirty-one and twenty-seven all know that I live with this diagnosis, but I think because they are all living their own lives, they are unaware of how this affects my life.

I truly don't think that my children really want to know what it is like for me. Perhaps it is scary for them to think about it. My memory impairment is not something that my children and I really talk about.