Feeling strange

(Chapter 12 Navigating Relationships While Living with a Memory Impairment in my book)

A short time ago, I started feeling strange, not sick, just not feeling right. I was texting with a friend and all of a sudden, their words had no meaning to me! It was as if they were in a different language. One minute everything seemed fine and then it suddenly wasn't. There was no way that I could respond since I had no idea what I was responding to! This is a friend who doesn't know about my diagnosis. I decided to not text them back and a short time later, I got another message from them. But this time, their words held meaning for me and I was so happy that I was back! This time, I was able to respond to their text. I guess their previous text didn't really need a response.

All I can think of is that there was very brief fog that rolled in. I'm so glad that it really didn't seem to last that long, but then again, I live with a memory impairment. So, it might have been in my brain for longer than I really thought. I'm so glad that this was only a text conversation because I was able to hide what was going on. But if we had been talking on the phone or spending time together, I'm not sure that would have been the case.

It might be time for me to let them know about my diagnosis, at least a little bit, but not overwhelm them with details. Perhaps a very brief conversation and if they had any questions, I could answer them. I do know that this needs to be done in person. This is such a tough decision for me to make, since I don't want anyone to judge me because of my diagnosis, or what I consider “baggage”. When I first meet someone, I want them to first get to know “me', not the person who has a memory impairment which means that someday I might not remember their name or who they are. This is not really something that I like to think about when I am beginning a new friendship. But to be fair to them, it might be time for me to “let the cat out of the bag”, so to speak.

I don't think that since my diagnosis in 2005, that any of my really close friends have walked away from me, but I know that having this diagnosis changes the relationships. It changes the relationships that I had before the symptoms came into my life. New relationships that are made after the diagnosis can also become challenging due to the memory impairment. Sometimes it can make communication difficult for me and that will challenge the relationship. I need to have faith that the people who truly love me will not walk away, but remembering this can also be challenging for me to do.

This is a man who I have been dating for about a month. Yesterday I was talking to my thirty-five-year-old daughter and one of the things that we talked about was me dating again. I told her that the man that I’ve been seeing doesn’t know about my diagnosis but I have made comments that sometimes my short-term memory isn’t so good. She told me that it is probably time for me to say something to him. Oh my! Now I’m getting advice from my married daughter.

Today, I will be seeing him and we shall see how it goes. There was no appropriate time or place to have a conversation with him, but perhaps this weekend it will happen. I don’t really think that there is a rush to do this. I’m not sure that this relationship is going anywhere. Perhaps I won’t even need to tell him. Time will tell.