Reflecting on my daughter's baby shower

(Chapter 12 Navigating Relationships & Chapter 23 Being a Nana in my book)

In 2005, I was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease (EOAD). Then a few months later a second neurologist changed the diagnosis to MCI – Mild Cognitive Impairment. With this diagnosis, I'm not at all comfortable with planning such an event, whether it was small or large. Just thinking about all the tasks involved with this shower, I knew that it would be overwhelming for me.

Yesterday was my daughter's baby shower and as my daughter-in-law was driving us both to the event, I told her how relaxed I felt to just be able to attend this shower. Back in August, I remember that my daughter and I had a conversation about her shower and we must have had a misunderstanding. The next time that I talked to her, she let me know that I was planning the baby shower.

In August when I explained things to my daughter, she really didn't have a clue that this would be too much for me to handle. I had to explain that it would not only be overwhelming for me to do so, but then I would have the stress and worry about everything being done correctly and in the right time frame. I would be totally embarrassed if I had done something to ruin this shower. Instead of me having all the stress, her matron of honor from her wedding handled everything!

I do not feel bad that someone else had to do this because I had to do what was best for me and in the end, I know that the shower turned out much better than if I had planned it. I had no stress during this event and I was able to just enjoy the afternoon. If someone asked me if I wished that I could have been able to do this for my only daughter, then I would say, “of course I would have loved to be able to do this”, but I can't worry about what I have no control over. I have had to learn when to say no and always do what it is best for me and my health. People just need to learn to understand that. Having too much stress in my life just makes my symptoms much worse and horrible for me to deal with!

Unfortunately, I can't change the way my brain functions because if I could do anything to make it work like most people my age, that sure would make my life a lot easier. But since I know that isn't going to happen, then I just accept how things are. I have learned to live with this diagnosis, making adjustments to my life, whenever I feel that it is necessary.

She had a beautiful baby shower that was planned by her matron of honor and her mother-in-law. I could just enjoy the baby shower and my daughter!