Describing the fog

(Chapter 9 The Fog in my book)

Someone close to me once described when I'm in the thick fog like this, "my eyes are glassy and I am staring into space. Sometimes it seems as if I'm looking right through them. There are times when I have a frightened look on my face.”

Without someone close to me sharing these details with me, I would have had no way of knowing how I looked during the fog. Although I am aware of how I feel.

I am with them, in body only, but my mind is definitely somewhere else.

Even though we are sitting next to each other, we are miles apart.

The fog creates this distance between us.

For me, it sometimes feels like I'm watching the world around me but I'm on the outside looking in.

There is a thin see-through wall preventing me from interacting with people who I know and love.

Without my ex-boyfriend sharing these details with me, I would have no way of knowing how I look during the fog. Although I am usually aware of how I feel.

This must have been the thick fog! I know with me there are different degrees of fog. When it is thin, I can function pretty well, with only a few minor problems, such as forgetting something that I have just said. I would say that the medium to thick fog is when it really impacts my life. I might not recognize I am with or not recognize where I am. When I'm in "the fog" and someone is with me and they notice it, I would like them to try to help me relax, tell me that they are with me and that everything will be okay, I'm safe, and this too shall pass. Sometimes music will help me to relax, my ex-boyfriend used to get my music player and play some music for me.

There are times when I'm in the fog and life goes on as usual, but a few bumps in road, so to speak. When the fog is much thicker, I might not be able to interact with people who are with me. It is as if there is a thin see-through wall preventing me from doing so. Sometimes this can be hard to explain. Sometimes I cry and afterwards I have no idea why I was crying.

When I used to work, during the thin fog, I could usually just get through it without anyone even knowing something was wrong, but when it is much thicker, it is much more obvious and I'm probably not functioning well at all. Sometimes the fog can make me feel like I'm on the outside looking in at my life. This is a very weird feeling! During the thick fog, I'm just trying to patiently wait for it to pass.