Spending the day with my twin granddaughters & my daughter

(Chapter 23 Living with a memory impairment and being a Nana in my book)

Today, I spent the day with my daughter and two-month-old twin granddaughters. While I was helping her with the babies, I was trying to figure out when and how to start a conversation with her about me not being asked to babysit. I waited to talk to her until I was almost ready to go home. We were feeding the twins for the last time before I was leaving. I know that I did this in case I was upset, I could just make an exit. I hate conflicts so I try to avoid them! I asked my daughter why she didn’t ask me to babysit and she said that she felt that it would be too much for me. She said that I have told her about the fog and she has seen the problems with my short-term memory. So, she was not comfortable with me taking care of the babies.

I asked her “Are you ever going to allow me to babysit the twins?” She said that she didn’t know the answer to that and we would have to wait and see. I told her that this was very difficult for me to deal with! I told her how hurt I was that she didn't ask me to babysit. I had tears streaming down my face. I asked her to please consider letting me babysit for short periods of time and see how it works out. She said that she would think about it.

I told her that I usually am very good about knowing what situation I can handle and what I can’t. She said that she thought that with my memory problems and the fog that I've told her about that she wasn't comfortable with me babysitting right now. She also said that she didn't really know if I wanted to babysit or not and I said that I had told her that I would want to, but probably not overnight.

I asked my daughter if I had ever done anything wrong in helping her with the babies one day a week and she replied no, but she was always there with me. I think a couple of weeks ago, she left me with the babies for a little under an hour when she went to buy some groceries. I was able to handle both of them all by myself.

She said that she was sorry for upsetting me and maybe we could figure it out. She asked if I understood what she meant and I said no, not really. She said that she would have to show me how much formula goes into each bottle etc. and then watch me make the bottles. I told her that she could show me, but what I would have to do, would be to write it down and she said that would be fine. I would also need to know how many ounces each baby took and approximately when they would need to be fed again.

She said that she was worried about the “fog” being a problem while taking care of the twins and that I might not know how to care for them etc. I told her that sometimes when I'm in the really thick fog, I might not recognize a close friend and there was at least one time that I didn't know who my boyfriend was or where we were. I told her that I don't think that the thick fog has ever happened when I have been with her or her brothers because I have always known who they are. If it is the very thick fog, I might forget who my granddaughters are and/or where I am. Right now, that hasn’t happened when I have been with the babies. I left my daughter’s feeling like I had done something wrong. This is so hard!