Appointment with my neurologist

(Chapter 15 Medical Appointments and its Challenges in my book)

I usually see my neurologist once a year, but for one year I saw him twice. Unfortunately, with insurance problems, I hadn't seen him for about two years.

After I followed the medical assistant into the examining room, I answered some questions that she asked me. Then I waited for my doctor to come into the room. When he entered the room, he greeted me and I said hi as I searched his face for some recognition that I had seen him before. Although he looked a little familiar to me, there were some things about his facial features that weren't familiar to me. I think that I usually do remember him pretty well, so it was strange for this to be happening to me. I think that this happened because I hadn't seen him in two years.

He started out by asking me the date. I told him that I didn't know the exact date, but I knew that it was January twenty something 2019. He told me that it was the 24th. He asked me who the president was and I told him Donald Trump. He said that he was going to tell me some words that he wanted me to try to remember. The words were table, boy and fifty-five Broadway. Then he started asking me some other questions so that I couldn't concentrate on those words that he gave me. A few minutes later he asked me if I remembered the words and I told him that the first word was table. I could not remember the second word and all I could remember about the third one was Broadway. He told me the correct answers and he wrote down some notes about how I had done.

I also told him that since the last time that I had seen him that I had become a grandmother to twin girls and he said congratulations. I told him that with these blessings also came some challenges for my daughter and I because of my cognition problems. I told him that when my daughter was pregnant, we had a misunderstanding on the phone because she thought that I was going to plan and do everything related to her baby shower. When I realized that this had happened, I told her that I would love to do that, but I knew that I couldn't take that on because it would be too overwhelming for me to do. The stress of taking on the baby shower would have been incredible for me and then worrying about whether I would forget to do something. I would be sad for my daughter and embarrassed for me. I'm on disability and I have a very tight budget, so I would have no money for this shower. She gave me some of her friend’s e-mail addresses so that I could ask them for help, but I told her that I just couldn't do it. She said that she had no idea that I wouldn't be able to do this. I told her that I was sorry, but that I'm usually really good at knowing what I can handle and what I can't. She said, no problem and that she would ask her matron of honor. A couple months later, when I attended the baby shower, it was so relaxing for me to just enjoy the event rather than get stressed out about whether I was going to remember to do everything. It was such a relief!

I told my neurologist about some of the challenges that my daughter and I have had to discuss concerning the twins. When the twins were a couple months old, I was not asked to babysit them while my daughter and her husband went away for a few days. I was crushed! I asked my daughter if she was ever going to let me babysit the twins and she said, “mom, I really don't know because you have told me about the “fog” and I have seen the problems with your short-term memory.” I just cried! She said that she didn't mean to upset me and we will just need to figure it out.

I don't remember when, but I think the babies were only a few months old and my daughter had me watch them for a short time while she went to the store. She left me a note about how much formula to feed each baby if they woke up. I think that she might have been gone about an hour and everything was fine while she was gone. I usually see my daughter and granddaughters once a week since they were born. When I am with them, I am always watching closely how my daughter is caring for them. As time has gone on, my daughter has let me babysit for longer periods of time and things have always gone well. Three months ago, I watched both babies for a whole day when both of their parents were working and the daycare was closed. They were about ten months old at the time. I have not babysat them overnight yet, but I hope to do so in the future. My doctor seemed pleased that when I babysit the twin’s things were going so well.

I told him that when they were only a couple months old, I had a strange vision. I was wide awake when I saw something happening, but yet it wasn't happening. What I was seeing was me dropping one of my granddaughters on the floor. It upset me so much to see this and I saw this happen quite a few times. I was so afraid that it could really happen but I don't think that I told anyone. I told him that it only lasted for about a week and then it was gone. I said that I think that I now know why it was happening. I think that I was afraid of picking up one of the babies and forgetting that I was holding her and accidentally dropping her. I told him that I thought that it was my own fear that was causing this vision. My doctor totally agreed with me and he told me that sometimes our brains can do these things.

I think that over all this appointment went well and he told me that he would send a refill to my pharmacy for the Razadyne. He said that I didn't need to see him until one year.

When my daughter was pregnant, I don't think that it crossed my mind that things would be so different being a grandmother than I would have wanted. I thought that because I have mild cognitive impairment and not dementia, that my daughter and I wouldn't have these problems. Luckily my daughter and I are very close and we can talk about anything. I'm so happy with how their first year has played out. I look forward to making many more memories with these babies who bring me such joy!