My thoughts on why I think that I didn't call my neurologist when I was functioning so badly

(Chapter 24 My Thoughts and Feelings in my book)

A few years ago, I had to stop working because of injuries from a very bad fall at my job. Recently I realized that was a blessing! The reason that I say that is because if the fall hadn’t happened, I would have still been working two jobs. Because I do so much journaling I can go back to the dates before my fall and realize that I was having fog just about every day. I was barely holding things together. I think that my cognition was so bad that I just didn’t know what to do about it. I had to work two jobs, six days a week to support myself. If this fall hadn’t happened, I don’t know when I would have called my neurologist but it definitely needed to happen!

In thinking back to those crazy days of working too many hours just to survive, I now realize that not working is so much better for my brain. The MCI symptoms didn’t go away, but the fog is happening a lot less often. My symptoms are now much easier to manage. I’m so thankful for that. Someone might ask me why do you think that is? I would say that the stress of working so much was making my symptoms unbearable! Now it is much more manageable.

My thoughts on why I was functioning so badly but I didn’t call my neurologist is because at the time I didn’t have any healthcare. I don’t even remember if that thought ever crossed my mind. I actually went for three years without any coverage. That might explain why I hadn’t seen my neurologist. I know that my neurologist felt that I was doing pretty well so he didn’t need to see me regularly. He said that if I felt like I wasn’t doing well to call his office and make an appointment to see him. As I left his office, I remember feeling that he shouldn’t have left that up to me. Leaving that decision up to someone who is living with a memory impairment could have led to a disaster. I think the reason why I didn’t switch to a different neurologist is because I didn’t have any healthcare.

Before this fall happened at my full-time job, I was just hoping and praying to make it through my very busy days at work. I really didn’t know what else to do. Was I functioning so badly that I didn’t even have the mindset to reach out for help? Unless I find some notes that I wrote during this time, I will never know the answer to that question.